Toxic Friends

Do you know someone who actually isn’t the sort of friend you need to have around you? While you may have known them for years – you’ve fallen in to the habit of being friends and the friendship may not actually work any more.

They’re the sort of people who probably don’t even realise they’re doing it but they have a negative outlook on life or worse than that they may spend their time running you down, being negative and taking every opportunity to ‘put you in your place’ whether obviously or in subtle ways. We all have our down times when we might have a moan and whinge and be negative and need to lean on our friends but people who always burden you with their problems and suck you in to their negative way of thinking, are not the sort of people you need in your life.

There needs to be a balance. If a person is consistently unsupportive, demanding, over critical, lets you down and you feel emotionally drained after you’ve spent time with them, that’s not a good friendship to have. They can affect your own self-esteem and affect you physically and mentally. To keep the friendship, you’ll need to tell them when they’re behaving badly, set clear boundaries, learn to say no and make sure you’re looking after yourself.

If they’re not willing to change or accept what you’re saying, then you may need to think about ending the friendship or at least putting some distance between you and see less of each other. If you want to keep the friend, recognise them for who they are and choose how much time you decide to spend with them. Take responsibility for how you feel and if it’s something you can manage.

You can change yourself but you can’t change your friends.

How Many Hours Do You Spend Networking?

There are more and more networks starting up all the time – social and business, online and offline. Every week I seem to get an invite to yet another network.

The perceived wisdom is that you should be in as many networks as possible in order to extend your influence across as broad a platform as possible. This might well be true but some of us actually have work to do as well, so deciding on the most appropriate networks for your business is important if you’re going to make the most of your time.

If you frequently attend offline networking meetings, take into account the cost and time involved in getting there as well as the cost of the meeting itself. If you have to travel an hour to attend an hours meeting – that’s at least three hours out of your day – given preparation and planning time. If you have the time available – that’s fine or if you can combine it with another meeting in the same area.

If you participate in online networking, manage your online time in the same way that you manage any other area of your business. What is your reason for being online? Set yourself specific objectives – posting a certain number of blogs or messages, growing your network or participating in groups relating to your area of expertise. Limit your time for each network

Networks – both online and offline can also be a source of advice, support and information as well as potential clients, customers and suppliers. Sign up for as many as you like, find the ones that work for you and then participate on the handful that give you the most value.

Don’t give up if you don’t get a response straight away – relationship building takes time and people need to get to know you before they’ll do business with you.

How Many Hours Do You Spend Working?

We're renowned for working longer hours in the UK than our counterparts in Europe. As many people now run their own business - do you work longer hours than you would if you were working for someone else because it's your own business or are you happy with the hours you're working.

Or do you chose your hours, you have the lifestyle you want and have plenty of time for family, friends and to enjoy the rest of your life? Many people who run their own businesses feel that in order to make a success of the business they have to put in long hours in order to make it work.

Even in the corporate world there's an unwritten expectation that if you're only working 9-5, you're not working hard enough. Eyebrows are raised or tutting occurs if you attempt to leave 'on-time'. The threat of job cuts and redundancy means that if you can give the impression that you're working really hard (because obviously if you have to come in at 7.30am and leave at 7.30 every day - you must be) then you'll be so indispensable your name won't be on the list should the worst happen.

Say yes to everything the boss throws at you - of course you can handle it - you'll just stay a couple of hours longer. It doesn't have to be this way - unless of course you enjoy working 60-80 hours a week (does that include weekends?).

Learning to say No - whether to the boss or to yourself (the boss) is one way to start cutting back.

Plan your time - appropriately and effectively.

Obvious - but how many of us actually do it or are you just reacting to things as they come in - dealing with them on a first come first saved basis or whoever or whatever shouts the loudest?

Get control of your time and you can reduce your hours.