Ask For What You Want

Do you say what you think or do you just leave it up to guesswork and hope that the other person will take note of your subtle hints. I’ve often noticed a lack of communication that occurs between some couples. They seem to work on the basis of either indirect comments or psychic abilities as their way of communicating with their partner. Surprisingly this rarely works and misunderstanding and needless arguments can occur as a result.

There’s an expectation that the other person will somehow realise how they’re feeling or what it is that they want or need. When they get it wrong, it is of course all their fault. How were they to know that their partner would like them to do the washing, pick up the shopping, doesn’t like something or hates that particular restaurant, if they’ve never said so or asked. Subtle communication doesn’t always work, even when people know each other well.

If the message isn’t getting through, don’t just shrug, sigh or assume they’re being insensitive and keep things bottled up inside. Think about it. Have you ever actually asked? Not with an indirect, ambiguous comment, made as an aside but saying clearly and simply what it is that you want.

Don’t expect people to get everything right first time either. Take some time to allow them to make mistakes and learn and perhaps lower your standards of perfection and be more forgiving. Not everyone is as perfect as you and so what if things don’t get done to your exacting standards – as long as they get done and your relationship improves as a result.

Get Over Yourself

Sometimes we can take things a bit too personally – especially ourselves. We try to be all things to all people, both in business and in our personal life but it’s just not possible. As the saying goes:

“You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time”.

While we all want to get things right, some people will never be happy with what you do, what you say or how you say it, however hard you try. When I first started up in business I wanted to get everything right and wanted things to be perfect, so took every comment and criticism as a personal slight. These days I’ve toughened up a bit and realise that just because one person doesn’t like something I’ve written or said, it doesn’t mean that everyone else feels the same way and that I instantly need to make a change just to please them.

By all means listen to feedback or constructive comments – especially if you’re hearing it from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about or you're hearing the same thing being said more than once. If someone you don’t know and have never met says something against you, don’t take it personally. It may not be about you. Realise that the fact they're having a rant at you, is probably saying far more about him or her than whatever it is that you may have done. If you do tend to react personally and emotionally, take a deep breath, step away from the situation for a while and don’t respond until you’ve had time to calm down and think in a less reactive and more controlled way. Putting a little time between yourself and the issue or person can help.

Have confidence in yourself and what you do and as long as you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you’ve acted in good faith and with integrity, then stop trying to change yourself just to please everyone else.

Life’s too short.

An Extra Hour In Your Day

If you had an extra hour in your day, how would you spend it?

When I’ve asked this question before – two of the most frequent answers people gave were exercise and sleep. Well, yes we could all benefit from more of these – especially if you never find enough time in the day for yourself.

So, this week what would you like to make more time for - friends, family, hobbies or yourself?

Take a few minutes now and plan some time for it into your week. If you don't include time for the important things (which aren't necessarily about work) then it's easy to let other things take priority. Ask yourself if you're really doing what you want and if you're not, do what you need to do to get the balance back.

It's important when working for yourself and working from home that you build in breaks, so that the day doesn't blur into a rush of work, work, work just because your home is also your office. If you create time slots in your day for specific tasks, you actually work more productively with the time that you have.

Use that extra hour to get out for a walk or get some exercise. Spend the time sitting with a cup of coffee in the garden (weather permitting). Read a book for half an hour or so. Listening to a few of your favourite music tracks or spend time with your partner, family or friends. Finding time for yourself allows you to relax and reduces your stress levels.

See what you can do with an extra hour – just don’t spend it working!

Step Away From The Office

On Friday, I decided to take the day off and headed up to Birmingham for the Grand Design Live event at the NEC. I did wonder if I could justify taking a whole day out but hey, that’s what working for yourself is all about. The boss said I could have the day off!

It was six hours plus of driving on the busy roads around London up to Birmingham – that well known M25 car park. Not my favourite type of driving but it did provide the ideal opportunity to listen to nearly six hours of CDs that I’d bought a few weeks ago, part of a Home Study course I hadn’t yet had a chance to listen to.

Sitting in a car for a long period of time is an ideal use of that ‘spare’ time. You can listen while driving, without feeling that you need to dedicate a specific amount of time to just either sit and listen or attempt to multi-task while doing something that really absorbs your attention or just feel that you have to spend time totally in listening mode. Not that I’m saying I wasn’t concentrating on the driving but it’s an ideal way to make the best use of the time.

When you’re away from your usual office distractions it’s easier to step away from your day-to-day business routine and absorb new ideas and information. Sitting in the car or on a train for a long journey is an ideal way to let ideas form, think more creatively, work on projects and just get away from your business for a while. It gives you time to slow down and as Michael Gerber said – work ‘on’ your business not ‘in’ your business.

Escape from your blackberry, leave your laptop behind – yes, go on you can do it. Your business won’t fall apart without you for a few hours. Take time away from your business to get the bigger picture view.

Where you would like to go today or … next year?

Full Cooked Breakfast And A Shot Of Caffeine

My usual weekly routine was thrown out last week, as I had three early mornings, (getting up at 6am is early enough for me) two business breakfasts and a trip up to London. Consequently I didn’t manage to get out for my usual exercise and wasn’t eating the healthiest of diets. Topped off with a weekend of family socialising.

I’m so glad that I don’t work in the City any more, or have to commute from home to office each day with the early morning starts, packed trains and delays. Doing that day in day out doesn’t make it easy to fit in a healthy routine when you’re grabbing a coffee to get you going after an early start, nipping out for a quick sandwich or fast, fatty food lunch and far from inclined to exercise that early in the morning or late when you return home.

If you’re stuck in the weekly commuting rut, you need to make sure you’re still planning time in your day to make sure that you’re not spending most of your time sitting at your desk or on the tub. Even small things like walking to the office from the train station instead of getting the tube or bus. Using the stairs at work instead of cramming yourself into the lift/elevator. Get out for a walk or run at lunchtime. Great if you have showers at work but even a brisk walk and some fresh air at lunchtime can make a difference. Get up from your desk and walk round to talk to a colleague, instead of picking up the phone or sending an email to someone who works in the same building as you.

Switch your drinks. I don’t know about you but I can’t take too much coffee or too late, unlike some people who seem to knock back endless cups throughout the day. Drink plenty of water in between your cups of coffee. Try decaffeinated after lunch or switch to tea. How about an occasional herbal tea? – they don’t all taste like dishwater and can be refreshing in themselves. If you mostly survive on sandwich lunches or business breakfasts (too many of those isn’t going to help your waistline), then take in some fruit and veg to munch on throughout the day and have healthy, home cooked meals when you can.

At least this week I can get back to normal ...