Get A Life Offline Not Online

More and more of us are getting online and developing a network of contacts around the world, whether it’s on Facebook, Linked In or on Twitter. While these are a great way of keeping in touch or getting your message out to the wider world, they can’t replace face-to-face contact.

Get out in the real world – develop your real-life relationships and don’t let your online world take precedence over the real world. The touch of a keyboard and the exchange of online messages can’t replace the touch of another human being and a real conversation, even if it's meeting new people at a networking or business event. While it might be useful to spend a couple of hours on Twitter what else could you be doing with your time?

As the days are longer and warmer, it’s a great opportunity to spend time outside not in front of the computer. Don’t cut yourself off from real life and while you’re at it, take the kids with you. Show them that there’s more to life than the latest computer game, MSN Messenger, MySpace and Facebook friends. Real life friends are important. They can’t give you a hug when you’re feeling down, they can’t share your excitement when something goes well – emoticons just aren’t quite the same.

When you work for yourself or work from home, it’s easy to find yourself working every day of the week, because you can and it’s too easy just to check your emails or check-in with your online network. Set aside at least one day a week to totally switch off from work.


How good is your time management - compare your results with the quick and easy Time Management Audit.

The Quality Of Your Communication

I was on the phone recently to a company about a mistake they'd made. Now being a large, relatively faceless, global corporation, I was expecting it to be a "it's your problem, not ours" conversation.

After jumping through hoops with the inevitable voice response system, I was put through to a very polite person in customer services who dealt with my complaint in an efficient manner, acknowledged that there had been a mistake and was able to fix it. None of the "There's nothing I can do ... it's not company policy" attitude that we so often encounter.

That's what makes the difference between a company who treats it's customers with respect, admits their mistakes, acknowledges any complaints and deals with them in an efficient manner and one where a company is difficult to get hold of, has an arrogant, couldn't care less attitude and assumes they're always right and doesn't listen to their customers.

It comes down to the quality of communication. There are certain situations where if handled correctly a drama is prevented from turning into a crisis, however when handled incorrectly a storm in a teacup can become a hurricane. When emotions are running high, it's even more important to ensure that communication is clear, direct and timely and this can make a real difference to the outcome. Make it easy for communication to happen both ways and remember to listen and understand and don't just wait to speak.

Turning a bad situation round can save a relationship and maintain a reputation, making a bad situation worse will damage both the relationship and the reputation and it won't stop there. A disgruntled customer will tell more people than a happy one.

So keep your customers happy.

Show Them You Care

It's that time of year when everything's coming up roses, cards, chocolates, compilation CDs of love songs, perfume, diamonds, tables for two, as long as it's pink and heart-shaped. Well, it is if you're thinking about your loved one and preparing a special surprise or treat for that certain day.

However, showing someone you care about them shouldn't be for just one day. Make time to connect with the special person in your life - even if you've been together for years, don't take each other for granted just because you're so familiar with each other. Reconnect with why you decided to spend time with this person in the first place. Have children and the day-to-date routine of life prevented you from really appreciating each other. Are you too busy, too tired, too stressed to enjoy each other's company?

Resolve to spend more than one day a year treating your partner. It doesn't have to be cards, flowers or chocolates but something that shows you care. A little something, a big surprise. Make time to do something special every once in a while.

And if you're single ... treat yourself. You deserve it too.

Blue Monday

Well according to the general press - today is Blue Monday - the day of the year when the post-Christmas and New Year blues hit.

The bills from all the Christmas spending are landing on the doormat. Relationships already strained over the festive period may have reached breaking point. The days are still short, the weather (at least in the Northern hemisphere) isn't at it's best and the New Year resolutions are starting to slip. This year of course we have a global economic downturn to add to the mix.

But lets look on the bright side. Things could be a whole lot worse. The day's are getting longer as we head towards Spring. We can book a summer holiday to look forward to. We can take pleasure in the simple things in life that don't cost much or are free: spending time with family and friends, getting out for some fresh air and exercise - wrap up warm and wear appropriate clothing.

If those New Year resolutions are getting you down - don't think about what you're giving up but about what you're getting - a healthier, fitter body, a more stream-lined life, less stress, more time.

If things are getting you down - think about what you can do to change them and take one step towards making it happen.

How Much Time Have You Got?

We all know there are only twenty-four hours in a day, no matter how hard you try or wish there were just a few more. Having worked out how much your time is worth last week, let’s think about how much time you have each day to get things done.

From the time you wake up to the time you go to bed there are about sixteen hours in each day, unless you’re the sort of person who can manage with very little sleep.

Work will take up a large chunk of this time, together with travel time, which could be anything from two minutes, if you’re lucky enough to work from home, to two or three hours if you have a daily commute. Allow about two hours for personal tasks, such as washing, cooking, cleaning and eating.

Sleep – 8 hours
Work – 8 hours
Travel – 2 hours
Personal – 2 hours

Total = 20 hours

That only leaves four hours or so, to do with what you want. Four hours to fit in exercise, seeing friends and family, shopping, relaxation, doing the things you enjoy and if you have a family with young children, probably even less, so it makes sense to use it wisely.

While watching TV can be a good way to relax and unwind it’s also a good way to suck up much of that free time that could be spent on more productive or beneficial activities, such as getting in some exercise or spending time with family and friends, socialising or just ‘switching off’ completely.

If you can’t seem to find enough time to get everything done – take a look at how you’re spending those ‘spare’ hours and see if there’s a way to re-prioritise what you’re doing.

Making Assumptions

We make assumptions all the time. Taking for granted things around us because we think we understand a particular situation or person. When you make assumptions about something or someone what you’re actually doing is guessing. It might be an educated guess, based on the facts and information available at the time. We make decisions based on assumptions and if these assumptions are wrong we can end up in hot water.

However, we need to test our assumptions every now and then to confirm that we do have a correct understanding and actually asking questions can be a good way to make sure that we’re not assuming or presuming too much. If you’re not sure or you think you’re making an assumption then ask. Ask your clients, your friends our your family. Don’t assume that you know all the answers.

What assumptions do you make about situations that you find yourself in every day. What assumptions do you make about the people around you?

Ask For What You Want

Do you say what you think or do you just leave it up to guesswork and hope that the other person will take note of your subtle hints. I’ve often noticed a lack of communication that occurs between some couples. They seem to work on the basis of either indirect comments or psychic abilities as their way of communicating with their partner. Surprisingly this rarely works and misunderstanding and needless arguments can occur as a result.

There’s an expectation that the other person will somehow realise how they’re feeling or what it is that they want or need. When they get it wrong, it is of course all their fault. How were they to know that their partner would like them to do the washing, pick up the shopping, doesn’t like something or hates that particular restaurant, if they’ve never said so or asked. Subtle communication doesn’t always work, even when people know each other well.

If the message isn’t getting through, don’t just shrug, sigh or assume they’re being insensitive and keep things bottled up inside. Think about it. Have you ever actually asked? Not with an indirect, ambiguous comment, made as an aside but saying clearly and simply what it is that you want.

Don’t expect people to get everything right first time either. Take some time to allow them to make mistakes and learn and perhaps lower your standards of perfection and be more forgiving. Not everyone is as perfect as you and so what if things don’t get done to your exacting standards – as long as they get done and your relationship improves as a result.

Get Over Yourself

Sometimes we can take things a bit too personally – especially ourselves. We try to be all things to all people, both in business and in our personal life but it’s just not possible. As the saying goes:

“You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time”.

While we all want to get things right, some people will never be happy with what you do, what you say or how you say it, however hard you try. When I first started up in business I wanted to get everything right and wanted things to be perfect, so took every comment and criticism as a personal slight. These days I’ve toughened up a bit and realise that just because one person doesn’t like something I’ve written or said, it doesn’t mean that everyone else feels the same way and that I instantly need to make a change just to please them.

By all means listen to feedback or constructive comments – especially if you’re hearing it from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about or you're hearing the same thing being said more than once. If someone you don’t know and have never met says something against you, don’t take it personally. It may not be about you. Realise that the fact they're having a rant at you, is probably saying far more about him or her than whatever it is that you may have done. If you do tend to react personally and emotionally, take a deep breath, step away from the situation for a while and don’t respond until you’ve had time to calm down and think in a less reactive and more controlled way. Putting a little time between yourself and the issue or person can help.

Have confidence in yourself and what you do and as long as you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you’ve acted in good faith and with integrity, then stop trying to change yourself just to please everyone else.

Life’s too short.

Watch What You Say

I just came across this quote and thought it was appropriate, not just to the spoken word but here on the internet - particularly in the world of blogs and discussion groups where words - whether written in jest or not, can be open to a completely different interpretation from what might have been intended, when they land in someone’s inbox, discussion group or blog.

"Know that a word suddenly shot from the tongue is like an arrow shot from the bow. Son, that arrow won't turn back on its way; you must damn the torrent at its source." - Rumi

Don't jump to conclusions, just because you've read something that presses your buttons, particularly if you don't know the sender. I’ve seen several discussions that could be viewed as bullying or insulting that were actually friendly banter and tongue in cheek sarcasm but you would only know this if you knew the background and personalities involved.

Do they know each other and are you viewing a discussion as an outsider? Do you know the person involved? Do you know how they might be thinking or feeling? Re-read the text but take a different viewpoint. How would you read and interpret this message if it was written by a friend? Think about how your words could be interpreted by someone not in the ‘know’.

Remember that tone, feelings and the more subtle aspects of humour are difficult to convey in the written word. The same sentence read with different intonation and emphasis can be interpreted completely differently.

Looking back at the quote - if you have the habit of putting your foot in it it's worth spending a few minutes to think before you speak. At least take time to read what you've said before you hit send or be prepared to deal with the effect should the arrow find a different 'target' from the one that you intended.

If you have something important to say and you don’t want your message mis-interpreted, try it out on someone else. Sometimes we can have such a fixed viewpoint on something that we might be very familiar with, that we miss the obvious.

How Are You?

“I’m FINE”.

Another definition of ‘fine’ as heard recently in the new version of the Italian Job – Freaked-out Insecure Neurotic and Emotional or perhaps more accurately Feelings Inside Not Expressed.

How often do you hear that, when actually the person saying it isn’t FINE at all? Either they’re doing that …”can’t you see I’m not really fine, but I’m not going to say, I just expect you to guess what’s wrong” or they just don’t want to discuss it - Feelings Inside Not Expressed.

Sometimes it can be difficult to actually say how we’re feeling – especially to those we care about. We don’t want them to worry or feel that we’re moaning but what’s your response when someone asks "How are you?" Do you respond with the standard – "fine thank" you or do you then regale them with your list of problems, ailments and issues or something in-between.

When someone says “I’m fine” to you and you know they’re not really, what do you do? How do you coax the real answer from them or do you just ignore it and not want to get involved?

After all, if people were really interested in ‘how you are’ – surely they’d want an honest answer? Equally, if you were really interested in them, you'd want to know. Obviously the type of relationship you have with the person asking or answering the question is going to have a bearing on how much you reveal but why not improve your communication and ask for or give support if it's needed.

So, this week - when you give or receive the standard response - improve your listening skills and communicate in a more open and honest way.

Emotional Infection

Reading the Tipping Point this week there's an interesting section on the 'dance' that occurs when we have a conversation with someone or a person is communicating with us. You're probably aware of the importance of non-verbal cues in communication, that words are just a small part of getting the message across and that tone of voice and body language are part of that message. In order to create rapport we mimic body language and tone of voice. This is often taught as part of NLP in sales techniques. Not the best use as people can sense when they're being played and if you try too hard it just looks stilted and unnatural and has the opposite effect of making the other person feel uncomfortable. We all have a natural ability to synchronise our movement and speech with the people around us but some are better at doing this than others and they are the ones that have powerful, winning personalities.

There is another important non-verbal cue in the way we communicate. We can infect the other person with the emotion we're feeling. You know that other reasonably well-known that if some starts to yawn, it spreads. If you smile at someone there's a good probability that they'll smile too. Even if the effect is indiscernible there will be a millisecond of a smile. There's a thought that emotion may be infectious – you can pass on your emotion to other people around you. If you're feeling happy or around happy people the chances are you'll pick on their emotional state in the same way that if you're around someone who feels down or depressed, you're likely to come away in a low mood. You can also influence your own mood by turning your frown into a smile.

If you're good at expressing your emotions and feelings then you may be more emotionally contagious. Try it this week – but only in a positive way – create a happy mood in those around you who may not be feeling quite so happy.

Even if you're not emotionally infectious, at least pass on a smile and see what happens.

Your Special Relationship

This is the eighth in a series of M.A.D. Moments based on different areas of your life to inspire you or give you that boost at the start of the year.

What does your special relationship mean to you?

• Are you happy and content with your partner or happy being single?
• Does your partner understand your wants and needs?
• Are you still hanging on to a past relationship?

Be honest, how good a relationship do you have with your partner? Do you spend as much time with them as you would like and are you able to spend quality time with them? We spend so much time rushing around and living in the day to day that perhaps we take each other for granted, just because they’re always there and things have become comfortable.

Learning how to talk and how to say what you feel is important in maintaining a good relationship with your partner. If you can’t tell someone how you feel, how can you expect them to know? They’re not a mind reader! Don’t let things build up or allow poor communication to result in misunderstandings. If you don’t like something, say so.

It’s also important that you retain a sense of yourself and that you both have time to spend with other friends and on interests outside of your relationship.


Action:

What difference could you make to your Special Relationship this week?

• Make a ‘date’ with your partner. Take time out to do something you both enjoy or do something for your partner. Spend time with the special person in your life. Not just the rushed catch-up as you get in from work but that ‘quality’ time.

• Make sure you’re able to sit and have a proper conversation with your partner on a regular basis. Set aside some time when you’re not going to be distracted or interrupted. Learn to say what you’re feeling and what you need or want from your partner and allow them to do the same.

• If you’re currently single, don’t worry. Make the most of the freedom and flexibility you have. Take the time to get to know yourself and do things you enjoy. Learn new skills, try new things. If you want to be in a relationship, get yourself sorted first, clear out any emotional baggage, develop a great relationship with yourself and then get ready for that new person to enter your life.

What can you do this week to improve your relationship?

Why are men AND women raving about this ebook?


Click here to Find Out!

Your Family & Friends

This is the sixth in my series of M.A.D. Moments based on different areas of your life, to inspire you or give you that boost at the start of the year.

What do your Family and Friends mean to you?

• How often do you see your parents (if still alive)?
• Do you have a circle of close friends?
• How often do you see members of your family?
• Do you have a good relationship with your children?
• Do you have a best friend who you see/speak to often?

This week is about focusing on the important people in our lives. When we're busy thinking about balancing our life and fitting everything in, we can often neglect those close to us because they're always there. I'm not saying we ignore them but maybe we don't always give them the attention we'd like to. Maybe our closest friends have moved away, we don't see members of our family as often. “Oh, I'll call X next week...or meet X for lunch” and then next week becomes next month and then next year ....

Friendships have to be nurtured in order to survive. We all have friends that maybe we don’t see so often but with whom we can reconnect at any time and it’s as if we’ve never been apart. In these days of cheap phone calls and the internet, it’s even easier to keep in touch with those friends further afield. I use Skype and MSN to stay in regular touch with friends I wouldn’t otherwise speak to except occasionally.

Friends come and go during the course of lives. There will be friends that we’ve known since childhood and friends that we’ve know at different stages of our life and still keep with us. Make a point of only having people around you who respect and support you.

Action:

What difference could you make to your Family & Friends this week?

• Who in your family haven't you spoken to in a while? Not just on a "Hi, how are you, OK fine..." type way but really genuinely wanted to know how they are.
• Make a point of phoning up someone you've been meaning to talk to but haven't quite got round to, or write that letter or email you've been meaning to send. Set aside time this week to spend with the important people in your life. Not just the time you would normally spend together, at the beginning or end of the day or helping the children with their schoolwork but something different.
• Re-evaluate your relationships with your friends. Do you have friends who don’t serve you or who always seem to want something from you? If your friends are worth knowing then make the effort to spend time or talk to them.

Enjoy the time spent with your family and friends this week.